Blogging to Ignore the Flight Attendant's Airplane Safety Announcement

The other day I went to visit the great state of Colorado, aka the Mountain State (or as I call it, the motherland) cause that was where I grew up.

Anyway, I was sitting on the airplane before take-off, doing everything I could think of to ignore the flight attendants as they gave their speil about "safety."

Do you ever find this happening to you? I mean, I think its safe to assume that these days a lot of us have flown on one of those flying contraptions-"aero-planes"-at least more than once and know the drill. But still, they are talking about how to survive in the unlikely event of a water landing, which seems semi-important. And yet for some reason, I can't stand the sound of the flight attendant's overly perky voice droning on about buckling my seat belt when I am trying to stare into space before takeoff.

So, I will literally do anything to ignore these safety instructions. First line of defense--I will text the people I'm going to visit; that is, until the stewardesses make us turn off our cell phones. Then, I'll blast the volume on my ipod, until those glorified hall monitors walk through the aisles, tap me on the shoulder and force me to cut 3Oh3!'s "Don't Trust Me" short. I know I should be listening on how to put on my oxygen mask should the cabin experience a sudden drop in pressure, but I can't bring myself to do it.

So I'll turn on the TV screen on the seat back in front of me and watch the direct TV preview while its still free. But much to my dismay (I don't know why this surprises me every time), the air Nazis have commandeered the sound system with the airplane PA, and now their shrill voices are even louder and talking directly in my head about how the seat bottoms can be used as a flotation device.

This is probably fairly important information, yet something makes me unable to sit through it. So I'll turn the volume down so I can't hear the voices, lower my eyes, and stare my backpack under the seat in front of me.

Maybe its because I've flown and heard the speech so many times that I could almost recite it by heart; maybe its because there's something about being forced to listen to this talk and give up my music and TV that makes me want to rebel in my own way and stick it to the man (embodied in this situation by the stewardess) by not listening when I'm supposed to. I know, I'm like a 5 year old. And like the lamest wannabe rebel ever.

Anyway, one thing that did get through my attempts to block out the flight attendants' announcement was when they said, "if there's anything else we can do to be of assistance, don't hesitate to ring the call button above your seat, and we'll be happy to help."

That got me thinking-I wonder if anyone has taken them up on that offer with some weird requests. I keep picturing an insecure 23 year old girl ringing the bell nervously and looking around while the flight attendant walks smiling down the row thinking she is going to get a request for extra ice.

But when she gets to the seat, the girl blurts out, "so I've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks, we've gone on, like, 5 dates, he's really smart and funny, and I really like him. Am I crazy to think it's going somewhere?"


I can imagine the flight attendant staring blankly, having no idea what to say. But it would be awesome because she would have to give her honest opinion, as she is bound by the unbreakable code of airlines service. 


I invite all of you to imagine the weirdest requests to make of the flight attendants and to try them--just see how literally they will take their offer to do anything to make your flight more comfortable. I mean, when you are paying 30 dollars to check one bag, 6 dollars to watch crappy TV for 2 hours, and 3 dollars for a bag of pretzels, you have to entertain yourself somehow.


I realize this post is a little uninspired, but I wrote it on the plane. During the safety announcement. Like I said, I will do whatever to ignore them. Anyway, more to come soon. Hope all is well. 


MikeeP


P.S. New Catchphrase: Bajoinkaweiner!