I was a little worried - not at the fact that my parents had been in an accident but rather at the way that she off-handedly threw the story into the end of the conversation in an almost-forgot-to-tell-you manner, as if she were relating what she had had for lunch that day.
Such has become the state of driving vehicles in my family.
Like I said, I wasn't worried about the actual accident - after all, this time, it was only a fender-bender, and the accident wasn't the fault of anyone in our family. For MikeeP and kin, getting into a car accident that's relatively minor is happy news, along the lines of bringing home an "A-" on a final exam. Throw in not having that minor accident be due to any negligence, inattentiveness or hubris on our part . . . well, that's like saying not only was the "-" a typo and you actually got an "A+", but that you also got extra credit, and you are excused from doing homework for the next week.
Now, if you know me well, or casually, or have had the (mis)fortune of being a passenger in a car I was operating, or who follow this blog marginally, or have been cut off, side-swiped or run over by me out there on the road, you know that I have somewhat of a history of what might be euphemistically described as "boo-boo"s when it comes to cars.
There are some who chalk it up to a general state of distraction in which I tend to live my life, which is fine when it comes to overcoming life's little annoyances, but might translate poorly into the realm of vehicular management.
I however, take a different view. What might appear to the casual observer as "distraction" while I drive - things such as turning around to look the back-seat passenger in the eye when I talk to them - I consider to be politeness. It's just common courtesy to look people in the eye when you talk. I tell this to people all the time. They usually respond by telling me to watch the road, please, or by screaming uncontrollably and pointing our the windshield at something I can't see because I am busy being polite and looking them in the eye.
I think I've previously alluded to the litany of driving predicaments I've found myself in, not the least of which includes getting a reckless driving ticket on the same night that I backed into the garage door, a mere four nights before backing into two, count 'em, TWO parked cars. That was a bad week.
However, like all good miscreants, I place the culpability outside of myself. I blame my genes. Remember how I said before that I was relieved that the state of driving in my family has gotten to the point where we are actually happy to hear that one of us only got into a fender bender?
Well, then it should not shock to you learn that, I recently took an inventory of my family's driving mishaps. And I came up with, off the top of my head, approximately fifty - 5-0!- incidents between my extended family. And we are talking cross-generational here, not just kids.
I don't even know which of us is the worst. I may have the most notches on my fan belt, but I don't think I have the worst incidents. Except for the hitting 2 cars 4 days after I broke the garage and got a reckless driving ticket thing. That one was bad.
But clearly, there are too many incidents to discuss right now, and I want to do them all justice because just about every incident has a story to it, there are very few garden variety speeding tickets in the mix here.
I think what I'm going to do here is give a teaser/activity. I will list the people in my family who could be considered driving culprits, and I will list the incidents that have occurred between us, but I won't actually attribute the incidents to the players just yet. I will leave it to you to ponder who has done what. You may recognize some of my previously related "boo-boos", but hey, you really need to see them all at once to feel the full effect of our family driving habits.
Drivers:
-Dad
-Brother
-Sister
-Grandma
-Aunt
-Mom
-Grandpa
Incidents:
-Backed into 2 parked cars in 5 minutes
-Backed into the garage door (and broke it)
-Reckless driving ticket
-Totaled a car a month after getting it by rear-ending someone, and then getting rear-ended in turn
-Shattered windshield by accidentally throwing a bag of garbage onto it from a second-story balcony (while aiming for the dumpster next to the car)
-Ran into a guardrail in the mountains because was watching the rear-view mirror b/c they thought a cop was tailing them
-Was voted worst driver of senior year class (but best partier!)
-Slid mother's car into a stone wall b/c of snow on road
-Had a car so old that there was a hole in the floor, and the automatic seatbelt had a frayed wire so car would not start (b/c car would only start when seat-belt was "on")
-Said car with hole and frayed seatbelt blew a rod, was repaired, and was totaled 1 week later when it was hit
-Got a ticket for racing
-Ran out of gas 2 times
-Ran out gas 1 time
-Ran out of gas 2 times (this was not an accidental repeat--2 different people in my fam have run out of gas at least 2 time)
-Almost ran out of gas a third/fourth time in the middle of Utah where the only "gas station" in town was a pump in front of a house, and had to bang on the door till people came out
-Spun out on freeway while driving someone else's car
-Had a car's engine die b/c hadn't gotten the oil changed in over 10,000 miles
-Had an automatic gate close on their car
-Ran into another car b/c of snow on road
-Backed into a car in an intersection
-Almost ran out of gas a third/fourth time while driving across the country solo to see a favorite band's last concert, and ran out of money on the way back (also got a speeding ticket on that trip)
-Got a seatbelt ticket in a parking lot
-Got a ticket for driving solo in a carpool lane
-Got hit a week after driving stick shift (and driving more carefully than ever before in their life)
-Shattered rear windshield by backing into a mail box
-Totaled 3rd car by rear-ending someone
-Totaled first car by having someone rear-end them
-Hit a pole in a bank drive-thru ATM
-Broke trunk by angrily throwing it open b/c they were irritated that it wouldn't stay open on its own in the cold
-Tried to park a car in the area of a walk-up ice cream store where people stand and order
-totaled both parents cars in one weekend while they were out of town
-Tried to order at a drive-thru by yelling into a trashcan (5 feet away from the order box)
-Rolled a car on the interstate
-Had a car spontaneously combust while driving it
-Drove in reverse on a major street (with traffic) b/c gear shift was stuck in reverse
So, that is the basic, off-the-top-of-my-head list of driving incidents that have occurred in my family. As there are so many, I will be starting a new, on-going series on this blog where I will, one by one, detail the story behind each of these driving incidents, and reveal who the culprit was behind each.
I will leave you with this little nugget that sums up the driving experience in my family: I was recently talking with my dad, and we realized that, since June of this year, 5 out of 5 in my immediate family have had a driving "boo-boo". (In our defense, 3 of us weren't at fault. So, that's worth something, in some twisted way, I guess).
Well, then it should not shock to you learn that, I recently took an inventory of my family's driving mishaps. And I came up with, off the top of my head, approximately fifty - 5-0!- incidents between my extended family. And we are talking cross-generational here, not just kids.
I don't even know which of us is the worst. I may have the most notches on my fan belt, but I don't think I have the worst incidents. Except for the hitting 2 cars 4 days after I broke the garage and got a reckless driving ticket thing. That one was bad.
But clearly, there are too many incidents to discuss right now, and I want to do them all justice because just about every incident has a story to it, there are very few garden variety speeding tickets in the mix here.
I think what I'm going to do here is give a teaser/activity. I will list the people in my family who could be considered driving culprits, and I will list the incidents that have occurred between us, but I won't actually attribute the incidents to the players just yet. I will leave it to you to ponder who has done what. You may recognize some of my previously related "boo-boos", but hey, you really need to see them all at once to feel the full effect of our family driving habits.
Drivers:
-Dad
-Brother
-Sister
-Grandma
-Aunt
-Mom
-Grandpa
Incidents:
-Backed into 2 parked cars in 5 minutes
-Backed into the garage door (and broke it)
-Reckless driving ticket
-Totaled a car a month after getting it by rear-ending someone, and then getting rear-ended in turn
-Shattered windshield by accidentally throwing a bag of garbage onto it from a second-story balcony (while aiming for the dumpster next to the car)
-Ran into a guardrail in the mountains because was watching the rear-view mirror b/c they thought a cop was tailing them
-Was voted worst driver of senior year class (but best partier!)
-Slid mother's car into a stone wall b/c of snow on road
-Had a car so old that there was a hole in the floor, and the automatic seatbelt had a frayed wire so car would not start (b/c car would only start when seat-belt was "on")
-Said car with hole and frayed seatbelt blew a rod, was repaired, and was totaled 1 week later when it was hit
-Got a ticket for racing
-Ran out of gas 2 times
-Ran out gas 1 time
-Ran out of gas 2 times (this was not an accidental repeat--2 different people in my fam have run out of gas at least 2 time)
-Almost ran out of gas a third/fourth time in the middle of Utah where the only "gas station" in town was a pump in front of a house, and had to bang on the door till people came out
-Spun out on freeway while driving someone else's car
-Had a car's engine die b/c hadn't gotten the oil changed in over 10,000 miles
-Had an automatic gate close on their car
-Ran into another car b/c of snow on road
-Backed into a car in an intersection
-Almost ran out of gas a third/fourth time while driving across the country solo to see a favorite band's last concert, and ran out of money on the way back (also got a speeding ticket on that trip)
-Got a seatbelt ticket in a parking lot
-Got a ticket for driving solo in a carpool lane
-Got hit a week after driving stick shift (and driving more carefully than ever before in their life)
-Shattered rear windshield by backing into a mail box
-Totaled 3rd car by rear-ending someone
-Totaled first car by having someone rear-end them
-Hit a pole in a bank drive-thru ATM
-Broke trunk by angrily throwing it open b/c they were irritated that it wouldn't stay open on its own in the cold
-Tried to park a car in the area of a walk-up ice cream store where people stand and order
-totaled both parents cars in one weekend while they were out of town
-Tried to order at a drive-thru by yelling into a trashcan (5 feet away from the order box)
-Rolled a car on the interstate
-Had a car spontaneously combust while driving it
-Drove in reverse on a major street (with traffic) b/c gear shift was stuck in reverse
So, that is the basic, off-the-top-of-my-head list of driving incidents that have occurred in my family. As there are so many, I will be starting a new, on-going series on this blog where I will, one by one, detail the story behind each of these driving incidents, and reveal who the culprit was behind each.
I will leave you with this little nugget that sums up the driving experience in my family: I was recently talking with my dad, and we realized that, since June of this year, 5 out of 5 in my immediate family have had a driving "boo-boo". (In our defense, 3 of us weren't at fault. So, that's worth something, in some twisted way, I guess).
And you wonder why I am a bad driver? Science doesn't lie, my friends. It's the genes.
Mikee P
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